Posts

Showing posts with the label Resolution

Attack of the Resolutionists

Image
Every year I hope it doesn’t come. Every year I hope against hope that the inevitable will somehow be avoided and peace will reign. I cross my fingers, watch the New Year’s Eve ball drop and pray that the Resolutionists won’t come, I pray that this year will be the year we are spared their terrible onslaught, but they always come. Once that clock strikes midnight, millions of Americans are infected with the Resolution virus and spawn a mass army of New Year joy fueled “This year I’m going to…” mania. They amass as a unified force to invade the common person’s stomping grounds and take over. 
You’ll notice them immediately. Once normal coworkers or friends will be reading some new book, touting some new diet, packing a strange lunch they must concoct in the break room; they’ll begin telling you all about the virtues and minutia of gym workouts and how amazing it is getting up an hour early to go for a three mile run. You may notice a group of them flocked together to go for a mid day lu…