Tuesday, May 15, 2012
So it may surprise you to know that today is my birthday. Yes the conductor of The Inspiration Engine is turning one year older. I like to think of it as turning one year better. Now to be honest, I don’t really pay too much attention to birthdays. It’s not that I don’t care about them; it’s just that to me, a lot of times, it seems repetitive and arbitrary. However, there is a certain value in reflecting on the past year and seeing if you’ve managed to improve, learn, better yourself, and continue to drive toward the goals of your life mission. So in that regard, birthdays are a great thing.
On a personal level I can say that I’m doing pretty well. Now I’d like to bitch about little things, stuff that irritates me, and stuff that continually hounds me even despite my best efforts to irradiate them from my life. And trust me, I’ve got some monsters. Well, such is life I suppose. But I’m not lacking for simple needs and compared to most of the world I’m doing pretty damn well. I can say there are some things I’ve tried over the last year that have not been very successful, although I’ve had a few successes to counteract the negative. And I like and need to focus on the positive, as most of you should too. Some of the most impressive and personally rewarding goals include finishing my thesis and graduating with a master’s degree, taking an acting class (which was hella fun), starting to play the saxophone, continuing to write on my novel, This Blog; actually the list goes on. To be clear, I’m not bragging. So why am I telling you this? Because your list should go on and on too.
I look at life like an unfinished book. Each day adds a page to a certain chapter. And I guess each birthday can mark a new chapter. Each chapter should be as full of detail and amazing experiences as possible. Now I know each page can’t be an adventure story, but it would be great if each chapter was. At the end of my life, I want to look back at my ‘book’ and see that it’s a gigantic story, written not just in one book, but volumes of books. You can’t get that kind of narrative from sitting on the couch and wishing for ‘what if’ or ‘if only’. So my birthday comes once a year and I reflect on what I’ve done and what I will be doing, not ‘what if’ I did something, or ‘if only’ I tried.
So, get out there and start writing your life’s story and make it a long adventure!
Feel free to leave a comment or a question. I'd love to hear what you're thinking!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
A friend of mine asked me once, what I thought of the past and what would I do to change it if I could. Now I thought about that for a while and had a lot of different exotic and strange ideas. My natural tendency to lean toward Sci-Fi and fantasy stories led me down a path of great adventure and amazing story telling. But then I stopped and really thought about what it would mean to change the past, I mean really alter what has happened in my life. How would I know what would be different if I chose not to go to college, not join the navy, not get married, not get divorced, not have a child.
The more I thought about it, the more it dawned on me that even though I had regrets and have made some massive mistakes, I couldn’t change a thing. You see, I have come to understand myself in a way that is much more profound and true as compared to when I was younger. I’ve been through some really hard times, emotionally. But I’ve learned from those experiences. All this contemplation led me to answer my friend thusly:
"All of my regrets, all my failures, all my successes and wins, everything I've every said, felt, every relationship and friendship, my feelings, thoughts, actions, desires and dreams, my experiences and perceptions make my life what it is today. Although at times I might begrudge too harshly the negatives and under-appreciate the positive, All of these things create the essence of who I am. If I tug at the loose strings of the tapestry of my life, it would unravel into the chaotic turmoil of the unknown. Who I am would be lost. In its place would be a void. Trite and fanciful fantasies of altering my life by rearranging my past only stands to cast shadow on my future..." (I felt so strongly about this answer, I put it on my quotes page on fb, in case you find it there.)
My past isn’t perfect and neither will my future, but I’m getting better at being me every day, and in the end, that’s a pretty good thing. I hope that you can say the same!
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