The evolution of this narrative shows that even though individual words can change the basics remain the same. I added words and also changed or eliminated others that didn't help advance the descriptive narrative. Changing parts that don't work or just sound wrong are part of the writing process. It may be painful at times, but rewarding and fulfilling other times. Don't be afraid to try.
I'll be continuing on with this short story and we'll see where it leads. If you're feeling brave, I'd love to read what you've come up with.
Thanks for reading.
Questions and comments are welcome.