The Sum Total of Your Life Should Not Reflect the Negative

Have you ever wondered why it seems so easy to lose motivation, get discouraged, become downtrodden and unhappy? At first glance it might appear that life is mostly negative, full of unpleasantness and grief; what with all the suffering and unhappiness in the world, the idea is easy to believe. But it’s not true. You might wonder though, why does the negative seem to get more attention? I would say it’s force of habit. Really! Think about your day-to-day life. Does your car break down every day? Does your cat run away all the time? Does your girlfriend break up with you repeatedly and often? Well, unless something is seriously wrong in your life, none of those things happen with enough frequency to truly be a daily event. The emotional impact, however, is significant, and that is why you dwell on it.

This morning, for no reason at all (actually there is a mechanical reason), my car decided to not start. What a pain in the ass, right? My daughter had to get to school, I had to get to work, and we both didn’t have time for this kind of inconvenience. Fortunately, we only live seven blocks from school, so I walked her there and we were only about five minutes late. I’m pretty mechanical minded and I figured my car battery was dying, so I got a jump start and the car was off to the races, sort of speak. Actually I was right off to the auto repair shop. While driving, I realized that even though this whole scenario was a royal pain, it wasn’t the norm in my life.  That’s why it was so bothersome, because it was so outside the norm. Now, my car requires maintenance and repair on occasion, some planned, some obviously not so planned. So I just have to deal with it. For the majority of the time, I get in, turn the key and drive away. So why don’t I get a giant euphoric feeling of joy every day the care works properly? Well, it’s because I expect the car to function properly.

You see, events in our lives that are unexpected, emotionally jarring, either positively or negatively make an impression. They have meaning because they wake us up from our malaise, that fog we hypnotize ourselves with. In a way that dazed phase of distraction is a good thing. It allows us to follow a routine we need to cope. But, and it’s a big but, that distraction can also make it harder to deal with the negative when it comes along, give it false power and significance. Don’t let that happen. 

Remind yourself that for every time your car breaks down, or your dog runs away, there are days, weeks, even months in a row where good, positive things happen, because you planned for them, make the right decisions and stuck with it. Life’s curving and winding roads are a test. Don’t let them distract you and become negative. Each bump in the road is a chance to regain focus. Remember, staying focused will help direct you on your life’s mission. So, keep your eyes on the road!

Thanks for reading. Comments and questions are welcome.  

Be a Positive Influence

Blessed is the influence of one true, loving human soul on another. 
George Eliot

One person CAN make a difference. I was recently reminded that sometimes I can be a bit overly pessimistic. I won’t refute that claim because sometimes it’s very true. I’d be willing to admit that I need motivation and inspiration just as much, if not more, than most people. But it is possible to be a positive influence; a positive force for good in life, and not just your own. Everyone has influences. It is unavoidable to be uninfluenced by something around you. What we can focus on here is the degree to which something affects you, both positively and negatively.

Sometimes we can choose the company we keep; sometimes we are forced to be associated unfavorable people. The key to surviving and prospering in various environments and situations is to recognize the positive from the negative and then separate yourself from things that detract from your life. Clichéd as it seems, that sounds easy doesn’t it? Well, sometimes it’s not. I’ve been in situations where I couldn’t recognize the negative for what it really was and I suffered for it. There were times when I saw the negative forces in my life working directly against me, and still felt powerless to do anything about it. Why? The answer was and is fear.

We all fear the unknown, whether we’d like to admit it or not. Sometimes, we actually rather deal with the terrible thing in front of us than to cut it out of our lives and face the great unknown without that negative. It’s that fear that holds you back, and finding someone that can help you navigate the unknown waters of life is vital. That person can be you; it could be a friend, loved one, or even a stranger in a support group. The point is there is someone out there who has dealt with a situation similar to yours, no matter how outrageous or incredible it may seem. You must be open to the possibility of learning from someone else’s experience to improve your situation.

You can’t change the past. You can change the future. Use the present to move in the right direction.

Thanks for reading, questions and comments are welcome.

Consistency Can Focus Your Passion

“Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.”

Oscar Wilde

It may seem presumptuous to disagree with one of the accepted greats of English literature, but I’m going to do it nonetheless. Sorry Oscar. Now I know that inspiration, creativity, motivation, spontaneity and such are most powerful when they are unhindered by oppressive shackles, laborious responsibilities, and the mind-numbing drudgery of life, but without focus, none of those things can find their highest potential. The way I see it, being consistent helps a person form discipline. It provides structure and a framework to build ever greater things. Finding a proper outlet for creativity and imagination allows them to flow, develop, grow and expand. It’s also worth note to say being consistent with your art form helps build skill, experience and technique.

Consider, what good is it to be a talented painter, writer, composer, sculptor, etc. without contributing to the craft? Having talent and creativity is great, but if you don’t bother to express it on a regular basis, that ability has gone to waste. Being consistent, however distasteful to Oscar as it might be, allows for expression to flow uninterrupted. So think about it, if you have a mindset where you can express yourself (through your art) on a consistent basis, you can focus on what you really want to convey and produce. Repeatedly coming back to your craft, working through the obstacles and barriers, both of the world and the mind, helps you gain valuable experience and develop a personal technique. Your voice, through your art will be that much more powerful because it is all the more refined and focused.

I’ve found that many times, I needed to push through the malaise of the mind, battle against apathy and distraction, literally forcing myself to write even when I didn’t want to do so. Some might say that isn’t creativity, or inspiration, and perhaps they are right. But I always looked at it as restructuring my mindset. It’s so easy to get distracted and say something else is more important because it needs to be tended to ‘right now’. If you let it, everything in life will distract you from your passions. Being consistent in refocusing your mind on your passions is the only way to make sure life doesn’t run rough shod over you your entire life. Remember, it’s not so much if you’ve done something, it’s how many times you’ve gone back to it after distractions pull you away that makes the difference.

Thanks for reading. Comments and questions are always welcome.

The Greatest Show on Earth

Last Saturday I took my daughter to the circus, Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey’s Greatest Show on Earth.  It was a great time.  A friend of ours scored a few extra tickets and offered them to us. This friend’s daughter is a good friend of my little girl, so them being able to spend time together at such an incredible venue really makes the memories that much more special. I haven’t been to the circus in about seven years, I actually took my daughter, but she was only two at the time so I know she remembers nothing of the experience. And to be honest, as I sat there last Saturday, my thoughts were not of that last time, but of the time I was nine, going to the greatest show on earth for the first time.

Ringling Brothers is an amazing show; it’s really a spectacle of light, motion, color, excitement, sound and fun all rolled into one. As I sat and watched the show, periodically I turned my attention to my daughter. I saw the wonder in her eyes, the extreme concentration on all the amazing things the animals and performers did. The concentration in her eyes and on her face reminded me of my first time watching the circus. I stared intently at all the things going on, desperately trying to imprint all of it so I would never forget, but always be able to revisit that wonder whenever I wanted to by remembering those visions. I watched as she did the same. Her smiles and shared laughter with her friend only added to the joy. When I see that type of amazing joy on my child’s face, I want to make sure it lasts as long as possible.

It should go without saying these times are the ones you want to remember and cherish. Times like these are ones you want to create over and over; good times full of great memories and fun, wonder, excitement and joy. We all know, however, that life isn’t all fun and games. There are darker times and sadder memories, troubles and pains; the things we find hard to forget. But I say it’s the times you’re with your children at the circus, or the zoo, or at the park lying on the grass looking up at a sky so blue it almost hurts your eyes that help you both get through the hard times. In the end, all we really have is each other. We should make our time together as wonderful as possible.

Thanks for reading. Comments and questions are always welcome.

Don't Suffer Injustice

Douglas Clark
-Head writer, The Inspiration Engine

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

Martin Luther King Jr

     
     It would be a wonderful thing if everyone had a positive moral center. The world would be a better place if a universal moral truth existed that we could all center around, believe in, and adhere to. Sadly, an altruistic moral goodness does not seem to be something we all can share. There is a major difference between having a difference of opinion, and having radically opposing ideologies. Wars have been fought, men have killed and died, people have suffered, and lives shattered in following those ideals. But what does that mean for the common man, the individual? Having conviction for your beliefs is one thing, oppressively forcing those beliefs on others is quite another. What qualifies as sharing the tenants of a belief structure or forcing it down someone’s throat? These are deep philosophical questions that may have no definitive yes/no, right/wrong answer. So what do we do with the inevitable injustice that comes along with all of this ideological ambiguity?  Vigilance.

     Thomas Jefferson once said, “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance”. This vigilance, this eternal watchfulness for danger, abuse, and dishonesty keeps you ever aware of the actions around you. Paying attention to what is going on, what is happening around you, who is doing it, and for what reasons are fundamental in forming a foundation of morality. You will be influenced by others, you will be influenced by experiences, your education, environment, health, religion, if you have one, responsibilities, even your wealth or lack thereof. Recognizing that your perspective is not the only one is the first step into understanding what drives others to do the things (sometimes despicable) that they do. This is not to say it exonerates them or justifies their actions, but you will know more about the drive behind those actions. This understanding is important because for the most part, you cannot and will not change anyone, except yourself.

     It is almost inevitable that you will be the target of injustice. The key is to not be the victim. Accepting the ideal that you were powerless to stop another’s actions may seem reasonable, but don’t fall into the trap that just because you could not stop someone from doing something, that it means you cannot recover from it. There is always recourse. Some people delight in causing pain, anguish, misery, whatever you might call it, mostly because they are miserable themselves. In a way they are the victim; the victim of their own limited perspective hiding in a mental world of fear, or rage desperate to lash out at anyone they perceive as a threat. They will attack, they will lie, cheat, steal, cajole, and offend, sometimes overtly, sometimes blatantly; both methods are insidious. Vigilance against these forces of negativity is your first line of defense. There is however, more to life than just battling against the never ending tide of grief. 

     Keeping an open mind about your circumstances allows your perspective to mature. Accepting that you can learn from others both good and bad allows you to see the world from many angles. This multi-faceted perspective cuts through the ambiguity and helps focus on foundational elements essential to a moral center. It may be true that the whole of society will never agree on a bullet-pointed list of things that define true morality; we may never have consensus. Blindly accepting established social dogma and railing against accepted norms for the sake of social disorder are neither effective nor prudent, but centering your individual mindset is the only way to reach out. You don’t have to remain planted with your proverbial feet in the ground, but drifting along with the wind is no help either. One of the hardest things in life is holding on to a conviction that you believe to be right even when others denounce you. The other is apathetic refusal to believe in anything. It comes down to a simple fact: life is full of choices; make good ones.

 Questions and comments are welcome.  Thanks for reading. 

  

Finding a Lost Da Vinci

Last night I read an interesting article about a painting called the  La Bella Principessa in National Geographic magazine. Yes, I know weird right.  I still get the actual paper magazine.  I like holding a book or magazine in my hands, everything seems more real that way.  But I digress.  This painting and its mysterious story fascinated me.  Supposedly, there is strong evidence that it was painted by none other than Leonardo Da Vinci.  Leonardo is widely considered to be one of the greatest, if not the greatest master of painting there ever was.  This reputation started during his own life time.  And with a reputation like that, I would have figured everything he ever did was cataloged, indexed, and safely locked behind foot-thick glass, but apparently that isn't the case.  What really struck me was the fact that experts believe the portrait is a Da Vinci, even though some disagree saying that it doesn't look like a Da Vinci.

It's true that artists develop their own style and signature look, but if Leonardo is a master, why can't her change his style and look, and still produce a masterful work of art?  From what I've seen, Leonardo's work is grand, detailed, subtly stunning, and intricate.  Why then does it have to be stunted?  If Leonardo chose to challenge his own skill, craft a portrait with a different feel or tone, why shouldn't he?  To me that kind of expression speaks to the New, a challenge that goes against the status quo and invites innovation. 

Being creative requires trying something different.  Doing the same old same old does not bring about change.  Going against the grain, making a 180 degree turn, deliberately trying a different approach is not a bad thing and it does not mean you'll be wrong.  It just means you'll probably end up with something entirely different.  And sometimes, different is just as beautiful as the norm.  So, try something different, it might just be a beautiful thing

Thanks for reading.  Comments and questions are always welcome.  

Supporting Alex's Lemonade Stand

I stood there, my legs were tired, my feet hurt, I was sure I had a sunburn, and all I really wanted to do was sit down.  But I still had about an hour and a half to go. You see, on Saturday, July 28^th, I volunteered to help out at Alex’s Lemonade Stand. It’s a charity drive that donates 100% of the money collected from lemonade sales to help fund researching a cure for pediatric cancer. The mother of my daughter’s friend has been hosting a local chapter for several years now on the corner right by her house in North Park. I’ve helped out the last three years and for the last two years in a row, we’ve reached the goal we set. I would serve the lemonade, hold the bright yellow signs and wave them while I stood in the street trying to get drivers’ attention.  I’d talk to passersby and let them know what was up. I drank several cups of lemonade myself; all I had was a few bucks on me. But you know it’s not so much the exact dollar amount we raise, it’s the effort involved behind it. This all means something greater than just lemonade. This year we were trying to reach $12,000, but half way through the day, we were hovering around $6000 and no one was quite sure we’d make it.

The day for a lemonade stand volunteer is hard, long, stressful, but it’s also entertaining, rewarding, and dare I say it, fun! The local radio station 94.9 FM San Diego set up a booth and broadcast music all day long; well except when there was a live band playing, which was about half the day. There was a silent auction as well as face painting for the kids. You see it’s not just about selling lemonade, it’s about celebrating life and good times with the community, neighbors, and the people you love. 

My child doesn’t have cancer. I don’t personally know any children that have cancer either. However, I do know cancer is a terrible thing. An adult friend of mine is battling it right now. My dearly departed grandmother had breast cancer, although it was when I was very young and I don’t remember it. My other surviving grandmother had cancer as well. Cancer is one of those awful diseases that devastates its victims, and stabs at the hearts of their loved ones. Cancer has no remorse, no pity, empathy or mercy. It just does what it does, and it won’t stop unless we make it stop.

Doctors have devoted entire careers to helping people with cancer and researching cures and treatments. Countless man hours have been spent in the lab struggling for a breakthrough, an insight, an answer, anything that can help fight Cancer’s wrath. Eating right, taking care of yourself and making wise health choices sometimes aren’t enough and the doctors know that. Sometimes, there’s still nothing they can do. Even with all of their efforts they still come up short. I can’t know what it’s like, knowing that after devoting a life to science and helping patients, what it feels like to fail the ones who needed you the most. I don’t know what it’s like to be lying there on a bed, being ravaged by a disease that refuses to relent. There are so many ways I can’t help the doctors with their research, the patients with their pain, or their families with their helplessness. 

I do know one thing though. In some small way, if all I can give is my time, I can make it mean something. I don't have to be rich, I don't have to have political powers or connections, I don't have to be a genius to help out. So I stood on a street corner, like all the other volunteers and I helped sell lemonade. And at the end of the day, we raised over $12,000 dollars. After we hit our mark, I only half jokingly said, "Next year let's shoot for $15,000." Until we end Cancer's reign of terror, everyone will struggle in one way or another.  I figure the few aches and pains I suffer from being on my feet the whole day is a small price to pay.

Thanks for reading. Comments and questions are always welcome.

Beware of Betrayal

There’s an old cliché, “your word is your bond”.  Ever hear it?  Well in the end, it’s true.  You can have all the legal documents you want stating this or that, you can have witnesses claiming this or that, and you can promise this or that until you’re blue in the face, but ‘your word’ is more than just air across your lips.  In regards to trust, ‘your word’ refers also to your intentions, beliefs, character, conviction, and worth.  Pretty heady huh?  I know to some it might seem like I’m going too far or being a bit grandiose, but am I?  People are who they are and their actions speak silent words.  Words you can trust or distrust depending on the person and circumstances. 

I think the best answer is to stay true to your own personal convictions, reinforce in your own mind what is right, true, and honorable, and go from there.  Despite how hard you may try, you can’t change anyone but yourself.  So don’t waste valuable mental energy trying to exact change from anyone but you.  The stronger sense of positive integrity you have for yourself will reveal, in one way or the other, the negativity of the other person.  Now this isn’t a perfect answer.  It doesn’t negate the daily, or weekly, or momentary struggles you may have with this problem.  Sadly, there is not silver bullet, no magic pill, no incantation that will wash away the problem.  We must all deal with it.  Being steadfast in your own integrity will help follow you through to the other side and stay true to your own mission. 

Comments and questions are always welcome.  Thanks for reading.

What Do You Need?

“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's need, but not every man's greed” – Mahatma Gandhi

Depending on how you look at it “What do you need?” is either a rather innocuous question or a very profound inquiry about life.  Answering that question when it comes to basic survival is easy: food, water, and shelter.  But since when has answering life’s questions every truly been easy?  If you think about it for a few minutes, what do you really need?  When I say need, I mean what do you need to be happy, successful, content; those sorts of things. 

Now I know we’ve all heard it, or said it.  It’s that line where we say we need something because it is so awesome or cool, or it would make things so much better than they are right now.  I remember thinking when I was a teenager thinking “I need a car”, or “I need to get a Playstation.”  Yeah, it’s funny how our priorities seem so out of whack when we re-examine them years later.  I obviously didn’t need a car or a playstation; the truth is I really wanted them.  And that’s a big difference, between need and want.  Sometimes it’s hard to make the distinction.

You can look at it from this perspective.  If something is going to give you lasting inner peace, contentment, or understanding, I’d say you need it.  If something is going to provide stability and security, I’d say you need it.  If something provides a distraction, fill an emptiness brought about my envy or greed, you don’t need it, you want it.  I think too often people have wants that go unfulfilled for so long, those wants become what seem like needs because nothing else will satisfy their desire.  But that still is not need.  It is an unhealthy want.  And really, what you should strive to do is eliminate unhealthy elements in your life.  Purging those destructive and limiting wants will show you what you really need.

I’ll tell you, I want a high paying job; I want a big house; I want to take trips to Europe. I don’t need any of those things.  I need to see my daughter every day; I need to give her a hug and kiss and tell her I love her; I need to express myself, mostly through writing or I feel stifled and depressed; I need to be free to make my own choices.  I guess you can say I need mental freedom most of all.  When I weigh the pros and cons of it all, most of the stuff society tells us we need, is just stuff.  Sometimes we need to be reminded of what’s important so we don’t want for things we don’t need. 

Think about it.

Thanks for reading.  Comments and questions are welcome.

Take Care of Yourself

When we are Young

When we are young, our parents and family have a responsibility to take care of us.  As we grow, they should take the time to nurture and protect, teach and instruct.  As children, sometimes we don't understand why those things are important or what the bother is, but children have a voracious appetite for learning.  That learning should be encouraged and reinforced as much as possible.  Teaching children to look at things from multiple perspectives and to have an open mind prepares them for the massive amount of conflict and confusion life has to offer.  Parents should teach by positive example so children can adjust to life as an adolescent and eventually as an adult.  But what happens when parents fail at preparing children for life?

Children are smart and capable. They can learn to cope, but if they aren’t given proper guidance, their coping skills will be inadequate and inefficient.  I do my best on a daily basis teaching my daughter how to cope, even with things that are upsetting, difficult, and troubling.  Don’t get me wrong, I focus on the positive, but it’s impossible to ignore the negative aspects of life and expect things to turn out okay.  

Unfortunately, I know people that have terrible coping skills because their parents taught them nothing positive.  What happens is an unfortunate cycle of negativity that accomplishes nothing but keeping those people in a dark place. They aren’t really capable of taking care of themselves, because what they learned was piecemeal, ad hoc, and unguided.  The consequences of this are devastating.  I have experienced an element of this.  Someone I know keeps asking advice only to ignore it, and sometimes gets mad at me if they don’t like what they hear.  I have experienced having this person lash out at me and people I know for odd reasons.  Now you might find yourself in uncomfortable situations where the other person takes out their frustrations on you, or someone you know.  You must recognize that they aren’t able to cope well and what they are doing is the only coping mechanism they have.  They aren’t able to take care of themselves properly.

What to Do

If you find yourself acting like this, stop.  It might be hard, but recognizing there is a problem is an amazing first step in solving it.  Some of you might remember the GI Joe cartoon.  At the end, there was always a Public Service Announcement where one of the characters would say “Knowing is half the battle.”  It’s true.  Part of earning to take care of yourself properly requires recognizing if you aren’t doing a very good job if it right now.  Sometimes, getting through to a person with this problem is impossible.  But I would suggest that you start with yourself. 

Remember, you can’t really take care of someone else if you can’t even take care of yourself.  There’s no shame in asking for help either.  Sometimes it takes a simple request for assistance.  If you can learn to accept your faults and rise above them, you can take those first difficult steps in becoming self-reliant.    

Comments and questions are welcome.  Thanks for reading.

Don't Pardon the Interruption

Excuse me, what?

Have you ever gotten to the point where you’re so distracted, you become distracted from your distractions?  Let me explain.  There are times when I have a chore to do, or assignment and I can’t focus.  So I find my mind wandering to something else only to wander even further into something even less productive.  Here’s an example.  I knew I needed to get some writing in this last weekend, so I sat down and tried to get into the right state of mind.  As I sat and contemplated where I wanted my story to go, my eyes wandered across my desk until I realized it needed to be straightened or I’d become buried in junk.  So I started to clean up.  While doing this I imagined my characters going about their daily lives until I realized that my desk needed a good dusting soon or the dust would require an archaeologist to clear it away.  So what did I do?  I started dusting (I don’t know any archaeologists). 

After about 20 minutes I looked down at my computer screen, which now had gone dark with its energy saver mode, so I slapped down the cover and continued to clean.  Once done, I sat down and checked my text messages.  It wasn’t until I checked the clock on my phone that I realized almost an hour had gone by.  I was like WTH?  I put the phone down, lifted the lid on my laptop and just started writing.  I managed to get a good amount of words on page, but it bothered me that such distractions could take over. 

I’ve got to concentrate!

So what do you do when you’re so unfocused, you’re distracted by distractions of distractions?  I mean it happens to all of us and it can be rather disconcerting.  For me, analyzing what happened and why works most of the time.  What it really comes down to, for me at least, is having the wrong mindset.  Have you ever told yourself “I have to get this done?”  I have, but think about what that means.  It’s the ‘have’ that frames the activity, not a ‘want’.  Everyone has chores and responsibilities that have to be done, it’s a matter of fact in daily life.  Sometimes those chores suck, are boring, are difficult, and the do provide a drain on your motivation and morale. 

I know what you’re thinking, “thanks for depressing me man.”  Sorry, so now that you’re depressed, what do we do about it?  Change your mindset of course.  Remember, perspective is how we view our lives, our dreams, motivation and ultimately our mission.  So you couldn’t concentrate, lost your focus and were distracted by multiple levels of distractions.  I’ve found when something like that happens, I need to re-examine why I’m even trying to do that task in the first place.  If it’s a chore, well, sometimes you just have to hunker down and get it done.  But I’m more interested in the hobby, you know, the thing you want to do that’s supposed to make you feel better, feel happy. 

The simple answer is: Maybe you don’t really like what you’re doing.  Too easy?  Maybe.  You could also be stuck in a rut.  Being so used to doing something you forgot that it’s supposed to make you feel energized, revitalized, and refreshed.  Solution:  Try something new.  In my example, I was trying to write.  Now I love writing, but I found I needed something else for inspiration.  Enter the Saxophone.  Playing is still creative and expressive, only in a very different way.  Once I started playing the Sax you know what I found?  It was easier to write.  I went back to writing with new vigor and stamina. 

So, try something new, if only to remind yourself how much you like your original hobby.  A bonus is you find a new activity that inspires you even more than before.  And that kind of focus is a good was to avoid distractions.  Good luck!

Comments and questions are always welcome.  Thanks for reading.