When we are Young
When we are young, our parents and family have a responsibility to take care of us. As we grow, they should take the time to nurture and protect, teach and instruct. As children, sometimes we don't understand why those things are important or what the bother is, but children have a voracious appetite for learning. That learning should be encouraged and reinforced as much as possible. Teaching children to look at things from multiple perspectives and to have an open mind prepares them for the massive amount of conflict and confusion life has to offer. Parents should teach by positive example so children can adjust to life as an adolescent and eventually as an adult. But what happens when parents fail at preparing children for life?
Children are smart and capable. They can learn to cope, but if they
aren’t given proper guidance, their coping skills will be inadequate and
inefficient. I do my best on a daily
basis teaching my daughter how to cope, even with things that are upsetting,
difficult, and troubling. Don’t get me
wrong, I focus on the positive, but it’s impossible to ignore the negative
aspects of life and expect things to turn out okay.
Unfortunately, I know people that have
terrible coping skills because their parents taught them nothing positive. What happens is an unfortunate cycle of
negativity that accomplishes nothing but keeping those people in a dark place.
They aren’t really capable of taking care of themselves, because what they
learned was piecemeal, ad hoc, and unguided.
The consequences of this are devastating. I have experienced an element of this. Someone I know keeps asking advice only to
ignore it, and sometimes gets mad at me if they don’t like what they hear. I have experienced having this person lash
out at me and people I know for odd reasons.
Now you might find yourself in uncomfortable situations where the other
person takes out their frustrations on you, or someone you know. You must recognize that they aren’t able to
cope well and what they are doing is the only coping mechanism they have. They aren’t able to take care of themselves
properly.
What to Do
If you find yourself acting like this, stop. It might be hard, but recognizing there is a
problem is an amazing first step in solving it.
Some of you might remember the GI Joe cartoon. At the end, there was always a Public Service
Announcement where one of the characters would say “Knowing is half the
battle.” It’s true. Part of earning to take care of yourself
properly requires recognizing if you aren’t doing a very good job if it right
now. Sometimes, getting through to a
person with this problem is impossible.
But I would suggest that you start with yourself.
Remember, you can’t really take care of someone else if you can’t even
take care of yourself. There’s no shame
in asking for help either. Sometimes it
takes a simple request for assistance.
If you can learn to accept your faults and rise above them, you can take
those first difficult steps in becoming self-reliant.
Comments and questions are welcome. Thanks for reading.
