How Do You Deal With The In Between Time?

Douglas Clark
-Head writer, The Inspiration Engine

I heard a story once where someone said “Live the dash”. The sentiment here comes from the notion that when you die, your grave stone would say something like 1975-2075. That little dash in the middle encompasses all of your life: every little thing, every big thing, every sadness, every joy, all your relationships and accomplishments, the failures and triumphs, the crushing defeats and the wonderful experiences, all you’ve ever known and all you will ever do. The advice here was to live that dash to its fullest, with the deepest of meanings and the greatest appreciation possible. That’s a pretty nice sentiment isn’t it? But I’m wondering something. Not every moment of your life is a mind-blowing experience of joy, or a heart wrenching assault of painful sorrow. You can’t fill every moment with some really cool experience, it’s just not possible. Even if you tried (which might be cool for a while), you’d be exhausted and need some down time anyway. No, what I’m thinking about is those moments, those days or weeks, even years perhaps where what you want and what you are striving for are still in the distance.

The day-to-day minutiae of your mission might not be exciting, or news worth, hell it might even seem boring. Working hard for a goal at times may seem arduously tedious. So in that situation, how do you relish the time you’re spending when it’s so banal? For me, I’ve noticed that sometimes I’ll daydream of that better day, imagining just when things get better or when I actually do achieve that forthcoming milestone. For example, writing my thesis was in fact the hardest academic endeavor I ever undertook. Let me tell you, I went through so many reviews I thought I was going to go insane. I read and re-read that thing so many times I knew the narrative by heart and could recite it without even reading it. So even though I knew the entire endeavor was worth it, that tedium seemed a bit much to try and appreciate as having great value. Obviously the work was necessary, but it’s hard to live that dash in a situation like that. So I imagined the finished product, the final version of my thesis and how awesome it would be. Doing that got me through. I guess in that case my daydreaming really paid off. Daydreaming can’t always be the answer, but is it realistic to think there’s a simple answer to dealing with tedium and boredom on your way to living the dash? Probably not, and my guess is a lot of trial and error is necessary to find the proper answer.

I do know one thing, concentrating on the negative aspects of your ‘down time’ is never going to help. The one constant in life is change. Regardless of whether or not you want to, you will change, physically, mentally, emotionally; it’s a product of being a living being in a dynamic society. That’s why the dull drums and boring minutiae of life are not things to concentrate on while you are striving toward your goals and living your mission. They won’t last. But they will change, whether you seek it or not. If you can recognize that change fast enough, well, you just might be able to make ‘living the dash’ something someone will want to write about in your obituary. And by the way, it just might make your life’s experience that much more awesome. Who wouldn’t want that?

Thanks for reading. Questions and comments are always welcome.  

Don't Suffer Injustice

Douglas Clark
-Head writer, The Inspiration Engine

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

Martin Luther King Jr

     
     It would be a wonderful thing if everyone had a positive moral center. The world would be a better place if a universal moral truth existed that we could all center around, believe in, and adhere to. Sadly, an altruistic moral goodness does not seem to be something we all can share. There is a major difference between having a difference of opinion, and having radically opposing ideologies. Wars have been fought, men have killed and died, people have suffered, and lives shattered in following those ideals. But what does that mean for the common man, the individual? Having conviction for your beliefs is one thing, oppressively forcing those beliefs on others is quite another. What qualifies as sharing the tenants of a belief structure or forcing it down someone’s throat? These are deep philosophical questions that may have no definitive yes/no, right/wrong answer. So what do we do with the inevitable injustice that comes along with all of this ideological ambiguity?  Vigilance.

     Thomas Jefferson once said, “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance”. This vigilance, this eternal watchfulness for danger, abuse, and dishonesty keeps you ever aware of the actions around you. Paying attention to what is going on, what is happening around you, who is doing it, and for what reasons are fundamental in forming a foundation of morality. You will be influenced by others, you will be influenced by experiences, your education, environment, health, religion, if you have one, responsibilities, even your wealth or lack thereof. Recognizing that your perspective is not the only one is the first step into understanding what drives others to do the things (sometimes despicable) that they do. This is not to say it exonerates them or justifies their actions, but you will know more about the drive behind those actions. This understanding is important because for the most part, you cannot and will not change anyone, except yourself.

     It is almost inevitable that you will be the target of injustice. The key is to not be the victim. Accepting the ideal that you were powerless to stop another’s actions may seem reasonable, but don’t fall into the trap that just because you could not stop someone from doing something, that it means you cannot recover from it. There is always recourse. Some people delight in causing pain, anguish, misery, whatever you might call it, mostly because they are miserable themselves. In a way they are the victim; the victim of their own limited perspective hiding in a mental world of fear, or rage desperate to lash out at anyone they perceive as a threat. They will attack, they will lie, cheat, steal, cajole, and offend, sometimes overtly, sometimes blatantly; both methods are insidious. Vigilance against these forces of negativity is your first line of defense. There is however, more to life than just battling against the never ending tide of grief. 

     Keeping an open mind about your circumstances allows your perspective to mature. Accepting that you can learn from others both good and bad allows you to see the world from many angles. This multi-faceted perspective cuts through the ambiguity and helps focus on foundational elements essential to a moral center. It may be true that the whole of society will never agree on a bullet-pointed list of things that define true morality; we may never have consensus. Blindly accepting established social dogma and railing against accepted norms for the sake of social disorder are neither effective nor prudent, but centering your individual mindset is the only way to reach out. You don’t have to remain planted with your proverbial feet in the ground, but drifting along with the wind is no help either. One of the hardest things in life is holding on to a conviction that you believe to be right even when others denounce you. The other is apathetic refusal to believe in anything. It comes down to a simple fact: life is full of choices; make good ones.

 Questions and comments are welcome.  Thanks for reading. 

  

Humor can alter any situation and help us cope at the very instant we are laughing.

-Allen Klein.

Can you laugh?

They say that laughter is the best medicine.  Obviously that isn't always the case, but having a good laugh, just at the right time can really ease the tension and release stress.  Have you ever had one of those laughs that was fueled not just by humor, but stress and nerves.  I have, and I've found myself laughing all the harder because it was a release.  The funny thing was (pun intended) as I was laughing I knew it was making me feel better.  Not just because of the funny thing that caused the laughter, but because I needed to let go of the tension and burden of holding on to things that kept me down.  There really isn't any reason to hold on to baggage and when you let it go, it feels amazing.

Humor makes it fun

There are times when serious attitudes and outlooks are wholly appropriate.  At the same time, there's no reason to be uptight and deliberately coarse or mirthless.  You don't have to use crude or offensive jokes to be humorous.  In fact, you just need to see things in a different light.  Sometimes the most innocuous comments can be funny if timed just right.  Humor among coworkers, friends, family, can help build a special bond, and laughing makes things more memorable. 

When people get together and talk about shared experiences, it's a lot more fun to say "remember that time..." and end the story with a great laugh that everyone can share.  And really that's the best thing, being able to share a good feeling with people you care about. 

So go ahead, have a good laugh!

The problem with communication is the illusion that is has occurred.

-George Bernard Shaw.

 

It’s interesting how when you open up to people, they reciprocate.  It’s amazing how shut in and closed off a person can be if they stop communicating with others.  Have you ever noticed that most people don’t like to start conversations?  A lot of people feel intimidated and out of sorts if they walk into a room filled with people they don’t know.  And public speaking, most people fear that more than death, or so the rumor goes.  Why is this?  I think it’s because they are shut off from others, sometimes for long stretches where they never challenge themselves to try harder, do more, experience something new. 

When you open up to someone, even if it’s only one person, you get a chance to learn about who they are, what they are interested in, and what motivates and inspires them.  Just recently I was talking with a guy I know at work.  We’ve known each other for a while, but up until now, before I mentioned I was learning to play the saxohone, I had no idea he was musically inclined.  Turns out he knows how to play several instruments.  None of them are the sax, but still, I learned something, simply because I was willing to offer a little bit of information about myself, and listen to him. 

Having friends is a rewarding and enriching experience.  The more friends you have, the more rewarding experiences you can have.  If you find it difficult to make friends, or speak to those you don’t know, expand your experiences by taking up a hobbie.  I took up surfing and the saxophone, and you know what, I’ve met people who are interested in the same thing.  What is more, I’ve learned that friends I already have are interested in the same things.  Look at it like this; I’m building social bridges with multiple people.  The more bridges I build, the more I can cross and get to know more people.  The effort you put into expanding your interest pool and simply talking to people will enrich your life in ways you can’t imagine.  So, get talking!