What a Disappointing Turn of Events

By Douglas Clark

About a year ago I applied for a job and had an interview that went great. I related very well to my potential new boss and his team, the work seemed interesting and the prospects of advancing appeared good. Everything looked like a good fit. After leaving the interview, I not only expected a job offer, I knew they would extend one. 

What I didn’t anticipate was the lackluster benefits package they would ultimately offer. Now don’t get me wrong, I didn’t expect a silver platter full of gold. What I got, however, amounted to only about one thousand dollars more than I made at the time, only at the new position I would be doing twice the work. Also, the healthcare and retirement package was almost nonexistent. 

Needless to say, I felt a bit perplexed. It’s a major thing to uproot yourself from a long standing position. One needs at least a bit of enticement to make such a switch. Obviously, I didn’t take the job. It led me to realize though, there’s nothing more deflating and de-motivational than getting socked with the knowledge that all your efforts resulted in something less than favorable or desired.

So how do you handle disappointment? It doesn’t have to be a job offer. It can be a sporting event, a diet goal, a physical challenge, pretty much anything. If you put effort, time, money, and devotion into something and the result falls woefully short of your expectations, what do you do? For me, I just kept trying to find a new position that fit my expectations, skill set, and professional needs. I just kept trying.

Now it’s kind of hard to just keep at something if you continually fail. So in that regard it’s necessary to reexamine your goals, your approach and your reasoning for pursuing that dream in the first place. This is where it gets unpleasant. You see, you might find that the dream and goal you work so hard for will never come to fruition. Certain obstacles might just be too big. That’s a hard pill to swallow. And believe me, I’ve given up on a few things in my life, like being six foot tall, running a mile in less than eight minutes, playing basketball, for example. Now everyone has limitation and difficulties, but the hard part is realizing they might be getting in the way of you achieving that goal you set out for yourself. That hurts.

However, we all have skills and abilities that set us apart from others. Many of these skills and abilities may lay dormant simply because you don’t explore them. Clearing away old and tired, unsuccessful habits can open up possibilities never imagined beforehand.  If you reexamine your goals and approach you might realize something else can take your old pursuit’s place and still provide a meaningful return. 

There will always be sorrow and lingering doubt when/if you stop pursuing a dream. Thoughts like, “If I just gave it a bit more time, I might have made it”, or some such. If you turn that around and say something more positive like, “I’m free to pursue something new and exciting with a real possibility of success now”, you might just find new motivation and energy that you thought you lost, or didn’t know you possessed in the first place.

Remember, every end can be a new beginning.

Thanks for reading.

Questions and comments are welcome.

DouglasHClark.com

Most of us regard good luck as our right, and bad luck as a betrayal of that right.

- William Feather (read about him here)

Disappointment can be a hard thing to deal with, especially if you’ve worked really hard at something.  Putting forth real effort to reach your goal, to drive toward your mission is always a great achievement, but there’s something so deflating when you don’t reach your goal due to no fault of your own.  Sometimes, things or people get in your way and you fail, not because you didn’t try, but because your efforts were thwarted by circumstances, or by other people.  Unfortunately, you may encounter people in your life who actually try to sabotage your endeavors.  Sometimes they do this because they are ignorant of your aims and inadvertently get in the way.  Sometimes, they are deliberately vindictive or jealous, and actively attempt to ruin your work.  Yes, there is that type of ugliness in the world and I’m sure you have experienced it.  I myself have been the target of nefarious individuals at one time or another in my life.  And let me tell you it is not pleasant. 

It would be one thing to fail because you gave up, or because you simply weren’t good enough, but when another individual deliberately stands in your way and tries to make you fail, it’s a despicable thing.  So how do you handle that?  What do you do?  It would be a cope out to say ‘just live with it’ and it would also be dismissive to say ‘just think positively.’  Those cliché type pieces of advice don’t really help at all.  If you really do have someone that is deliberately trying to sabotage your goals, the best thing to do is eliminate them from your life.  Cut them out completely and do not let them back in.  I knew someone that took every opportunity to try and degrade me, insult me, slander my name and deliberately lie about me to try and influence people to dislike me.  I know the quality of my character and anyone worth knowing would take the time to get to know me as a person, not just the lies of a malcontent trying to break someone down instead of building themselves up.  As soon as I cut off all contact with that person and redirected my life on a new course, guess what!  My life became so much more enjoyable, meaningful, and most of all, positive. 

You DO NOT have to allow negative, self-interested and destructive people into your life.  If you have found someone like that has crept in, evict them.  You are the one that has to live your life and the world will make it difficult just by its nature.  Don’t assist the forces of despair and negativity.  Situate yourself so positive, uplifting people can assist you in your goals, and help drive you toward your mission.  That way, when disappointment does strike, it will have much less power than it would otherwise.  Positivity is great, but structuring your life to accentuate the positiveness of the people around you is even better.  Go ahead, set yourself up for success!

Anytime you suffer a setback or disappointment, put your head down and plow ahead

-Les Brown

 

Disappointment is unavoidable

Things don’t always go according to plan.  Sometimes, things go so far off course you wonder how the heck it ever got so bad.  Even with all your planning and preparation, everything is just Fubar. So what do you do with that sort of disappointment?  How do you handle it?  I mean, it’s not like you missed the opening three minutes to a movie, or missed out on the opening pitch of a ball game.  Sure, those things can be a disappointment too, but when the weight of being disappointed gets really heavy, when it turns into a load you feel you are forced to carry, there’s got to be something you can do, right?  If you don’t change your perspective on it, that disappointment can become regret, and regret is a far worse burden to bear. 

At every stage of a person’s life, they must deal with disappointment.  This was very evident to me yesterday thanks to my daughter.  She had plans to play with a friend after school on Thursday; she was excited and looking forward to it all week, then at the last minute, plans changed because of unforeseen circumstances and the play time had to be altered.  She was crestfallen.  For a kid, play time is serious business and when it gets disrupted, watch out!  I was sad for her, but we played ball together and I tried to show her that even though she was disappointed, directing her energy and focus somewhere else was healthy.  For an eight year old, that’s not the easiest thing to do.  But it’s never too early to learn how to cope.  It’s never too early to try new techniques and develop skills to redirect that negative energy of disappointment into something positive.

Directing Your Energy

I’ll admit, I have wasted a lot of time being disappointed and feeling sad for myself.  It’s natural and we all do it.  I think allowing yourself just a little bit of time for feeling sad and downtrodden is alright.  I mean we can’t just ignore all the negative and pretend it doesn’t affect us.  But after a certain point, we have to let go of that sadness and disappointment or it festers.  Allowing one negative thought after another to distract us lays a foundation of negativity that only feeds on you and grows stronger.  If you find yourself mired in negative thoughts, chase each one with a positive one; one you know to be a fact.  Remind yourself of that fact and then let the negativity go.  Carrying that baggage around with you only slows you down and you don’t want that.  All that time and energy you dump into feeling sorry for yourself and feeding that negative energy is time you could be challenging yourself to improve and carry out your mission. 

You don’t have to be successful in quelling your inner demons on the first try.  In fact, it may take you several if not hundreds of tries to defeat those negative thoughts.  Disappointment happens, but it doesn’t have to dominate your mind frame.  Continue to try, and always go back to trying, no matter how many times you fail.  Redirecting your energies into the positive will become a habit.  Once you’re habitually thinking positively, you might find things to be brighter than you once believed. 

Go for it!

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