What a Disappointing Turn of Events

By Douglas Clark

About a year ago I applied for a job and had an interview that went great. I related very well to my potential new boss and his team, the work seemed interesting and the prospects of advancing appeared good. Everything looked like a good fit. After leaving the interview, I not only expected a job offer, I knew they would extend one. 

What I didn’t anticipate was the lackluster benefits package they would ultimately offer. Now don’t get me wrong, I didn’t expect a silver platter full of gold. What I got, however, amounted to only about one thousand dollars more than I made at the time, only at the new position I would be doing twice the work. Also, the healthcare and retirement package was almost nonexistent. 

Needless to say, I felt a bit perplexed. It’s a major thing to uproot yourself from a long standing position. One needs at least a bit of enticement to make such a switch. Obviously, I didn’t take the job. It led me to realize though, there’s nothing more deflating and de-motivational than getting socked with the knowledge that all your efforts resulted in something less than favorable or desired.

So how do you handle disappointment? It doesn’t have to be a job offer. It can be a sporting event, a diet goal, a physical challenge, pretty much anything. If you put effort, time, money, and devotion into something and the result falls woefully short of your expectations, what do you do? For me, I just kept trying to find a new position that fit my expectations, skill set, and professional needs. I just kept trying.

Now it’s kind of hard to just keep at something if you continually fail. So in that regard it’s necessary to reexamine your goals, your approach and your reasoning for pursuing that dream in the first place. This is where it gets unpleasant. You see, you might find that the dream and goal you work so hard for will never come to fruition. Certain obstacles might just be too big. That’s a hard pill to swallow. And believe me, I’ve given up on a few things in my life, like being six foot tall, running a mile in less than eight minutes, playing basketball, for example. Now everyone has limitation and difficulties, but the hard part is realizing they might be getting in the way of you achieving that goal you set out for yourself. That hurts.

However, we all have skills and abilities that set us apart from others. Many of these skills and abilities may lay dormant simply because you don’t explore them. Clearing away old and tired, unsuccessful habits can open up possibilities never imagined beforehand.  If you reexamine your goals and approach you might realize something else can take your old pursuit’s place and still provide a meaningful return. 

There will always be sorrow and lingering doubt when/if you stop pursuing a dream. Thoughts like, “If I just gave it a bit more time, I might have made it”, or some such. If you turn that around and say something more positive like, “I’m free to pursue something new and exciting with a real possibility of success now”, you might just find new motivation and energy that you thought you lost, or didn’t know you possessed in the first place.

Remember, every end can be a new beginning.

Thanks for reading.

Questions and comments are welcome.

DouglasHClark.com

Think Big

by Douglas Clark

Have you ever heard anyone say “I want to get second place”, “I’m working toward being mediocre”, or “My dream is to be average”? Probably not in a serious way you haven’t. It reminds me of a Monster.com commercial that’s pretty funny. Nobody consciously decides they want to be just another face in the crowd, not without giving up first. You see the thing is, most people try, experience difficulty, muddle through, and then find a certain amount of equilibrium with their environment, situation and circumstance, but then never really break through and excel beyond the status quo. This is where people become apathetic.

You can’t counteract apathy though. Think of this from a different perspective. I’m sure you’ve heard someone say “Aim High”, heck the Air Force used to use that as a tag line in their TV and radio commercials for years. Or maybe you’ve heard the saying ‘reach for the stars’, or ‘the sky’s the limit’. The common theme here is striving for something just out of reach, pushing yourself to achieve something slightly beyond your abilities or just to experience something new. What’s the point though?

The goal here is Success. Success does take an extraordinary amount of effort though, and it starts with something even more important. Thinking Big. That’s right. Putting your mind and thoughts on the right track, allowing yourself to believe what you dream is possible, and accepting the possibility that you might just be able to make all you want possible is the first step in achieving your dreams. It does not matter how you characterize or quantify success. Reaching your goals, and accomplishing your mission requires being positive. Sometimes I lean toward the negative, pessimistic side of things. When I feel that type of thing seeping into my thought process, I counter it with positive, sometimes grandiose daydreaming and proclamations. They’re designed to refocus my mindset, forcing me to accept the possibility that the great and wonderful things I want to achieve are at least thinkable, let alone possible. That’s why I still believe I’ll be a world famous writer one day.

You’ve got to want it. Thinking that you will be the best, achieve the highest goals, win the most prestigious awards, earn the most money, be the most famous; it all starts with you thinking big. Daring yourself to simply imagine the great possibilities of ‘what if’ is the first step on your journey to greatness. Take that step!

Thanks for reading

Questions and comments are welcome.

DouglasHClark.com

What If a Golden Opportunity Knocked?

By Douglas Clark

There is always a golden opportunity coming your way. Whether you recognize it or want to admit it, there can always be a better situation resulting from your actions. The flip side of course is disaster lurks behind every decision, ready to strike like a Viper.

Recognizing the opportunities in front of you is not always easy. Roadblocks like stress, pride, fear, despondency, fatigue, or arrogance get in the way. Truth is, most people probably miss golden opportunities because they feel overwhelmed by the change they would bring. Familiarity with your current situation is comforting. As the cliche says "the devil you know is better than the one you don't", but it is that very complacency that gets in the way of improvement and success. 

I felt stuck in a rut for a long time. I wanted to grow, take on a new career challenge, improve, but for years, (I'm sad to admit), I avoided it. Oh sure, I'd complain, but not really take action to force a change. One day I hit a tipping point and decided I must do something different or that creative, motivating drive inside of me would die. So I got a new job.

Granted, starting a new job is scary. It's also disruptive and uncomfortable. I noticed simple things like my gym and lunch routine were vastly different, but you know what? I needed that. 

I have watched people I know including myself, squander opportunities, repeatedly. It's frustrating because you know if they just seize that opportunity a lot of good things will come their way. And yet they flounder. Remember those roadblocks I mentioned? I think fear is the strongest one. Fear of failure, the unknown, making a mistake, and even fear of success all crowd out the basic truth that without a new course of action the same results or worse will occur.

Thanks Einstein. Don't let fear control you. "Fear is the mind killer". Don't be a slave to it. Use your fear as a catalyst, not an anchor. Let that fear drive you towards success, not cower under the covers. Your adventure and success in life come from slaying the monster that lurks under your bed. That's the story people want to hear and what you need to live. Get to being the hero of your life book. End the chapter of fear and start writing the Chapter of Success.

Yes it can be done. Just seize that golden opportunity!

Thanks for reading.

Questions and Comments are welcome.

DouglasHClark.com

What Does it Mean to Get Ahead?

“The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves” – William Penn

Life is about quality experiences and honorable achievements you work towards.

Life is not about getting ahead of everyone else. Life is not about accumulating every attention-getting trinket in existence. Life is not about comparing yourself to others as if they are the official measuring stick of accomplishment. Granted, I’m being completely subjective here. I know to others life might very well be solely about acquisition of power, wealth, fame, stuff; who knows. I’m sure having ultimate power might be cool, for a while; being able to buy whatever my heart desires would fulfill my wants, for a while; having people adore me and fawn all over me might be gratifying and feed my ego, for a while. 

But I’ve observed that a lot of times people compare their status with others (usually ones ahead of them) and feel as if they are not as successful or accomplished as they should be; then they lose sight of what they have in favor of what they might be able to attain. So they persist in their drive to acquire more and more, never really appreciating what they have now. This ladies and gentlemen is what is called the rat race.

My suggestion is to never start running that race, because once you do, you immediately lose. Striving to be successful is an admirable goal; one I agree with and continually work for. However, I’ve learned to follow an ideal of what my future successful self looks like, but only compare myself to where I have been and what I have achieved in the past. You see an ideal is just that; an ideal, it is not real and most of the time it’s not attainable in a realistic sense. Think of how you structure your future self’s image. Is it perfect? Maybe not but it’s probably idealistically constructed, meaning ‘if things were perfect’ played a small part in its creation, even if you weren’t consciously aware of it. So striving toward that ideal gives you focus and a goal, which is good. Comparing yourself to the past and what actually was keeps you grounded, examining real world facts.

It is unfortunately very easy to fall into the trap of thinking things like “Everyone has so much more than me,” “I’m never going to have as much as that guy,” or “I’m never going to make it.” That’s jealously talking there. In the grand spectrum of success, there will always be those ahead, and behind you. This is a fact. Worrying so much about what other people have accomplished and comparing yourself only to those that are more successful will ultimately lead to you feeling like a failure. Now it’s okay to model your actions after successful people (they’re a success for a reason); any other comparisons on success is just shortchanging yourself.

I once fell into that trap. I’d look at all the successful authors out there and lament that they succeeded where I still failed. I saw their body of published works and compared that to my unpublished writing. And I was miserable. What I failed to look at was just how much more I wrote in the last two years compared to the eight years preceding them. In the last two years I’ve written a weekly blog entry almost every week, I’ve written a Novel, and two short stories. The previous eight years I wrote only a fraction of that. So in comparison to myself the last two years have been a resounding success. And I gained fulfillment from those valuable and rewarding writing experiences. Sure I’m not published yet, but I’m light years ahead of where I was. The key there is me, not those published authors. My being jealous of them served no purpose except to make me feel like crap. So I changed my perspective. And guess what? I changed my life, yet again.  

You can do it too. I dare you. 

Thanks for reading. Questions and Comments are welcome. 

Knock Knock!

A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.  ~Francis Bacon

How often do you create opportunities for success in your life? You might have heard the old saying “Opportunity only knocks once,” or “When opportunity knocks, answer it”. They’re cute little sayings aren’t they? But do you notice something about the way they are structured? I’ll give you a minute to reread them….

Did you see it? Well, if you saw what I saw you’ll recognize that both of those sayings are rather passive in regards to you and what you should do. Think about it. Opportunity knocks, meaning it will come to you. Really? I’ve always had this sort of ridiculous notion that opportunity was like a cloud of positive energy that would one day float by my apartment door and lightly rap upon my door knocker. All I had to do was wait. Now I realize that’s an incredible waste of time.

If we think about what Francis Bacon says about opportunity, we should all be out hunting that misty cloud of energy trying to wring out all the opportunity we can get. And that’s exactly what you should be doing. Getting out there and making things happen is what life should be about. There’s a reason why couch potatoes aren’t wildly successful, except knowing what’s on TV; they aren’t doing anything. You can’t seize the day if you’ve already seized the couch.

Just a few days ago, I once again submitted some of my writings to a publisher. In fact, I submitted another short story and several poems. No one is going to come knocking on my door begging me to submit my stories to their magazine. So I’ve got to make those publishing opportunities happen myself. And I’m going to have to continue to foster those opportunities if I want to be successful. You might not be an aspiring author, but I’m sure there’s something positive you’d love to be doing right now; some dream you always wanted to come true…

The question is, what are you doing to make that dream come true?

Thanks for reading. Questions and comments are welcome.

How Do You Define Personal Success?

What a loaded question huh? I mean success has so many different facets doesn’t it. What category should we explore: financial, romantic, physical, emotional, academic, professional, spiritual? There are so many different types of success it’s hard to qualify a statement like “I’m successful.” It’s probably better to start by asking “Where does success begin?” For me, though, personal success is the most important. I mean, I’d love to be at the top of my professional field, making millions of dollars, after earning my Ph.D., but that won’t all come at once, and it’s certainly a lot of hard work, but would all of that mean anything if my own personal parameters of success weren’t met? Knowing what success means to you is probably the single most important step in actually achieving that success. If you really didn’t know where you were going or why you were pushing so hard for something, even if you achieved that goal, it probably would hold little value, at the very least when you were done, it might feel like a hollow victory.

My guess is even if your dreams and aspirations are vastly different from everyone else’s, if you hold a truly vested interest in what you are doing, you’ll find a whole lot more satisfaction in the endeavor. For a long time, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life, I bounced, I made odd choices, and I traveled around the world searching for something that would give me fulfillment. What I eventually realized is this. There’s nothing in this world that will fulfill my deepest desires and wants. Fulfillment and contentment come from within. Sorry to get all Zen on you, but if Buddha was here, he might agree with me. Throughout all my travels, my imagination and want for telling stories never diminished, never went away. I always had a story in my head, I always nurtured the desire to write. It wasn’t until I put aside other distractions that I realized writing is not only what I want to do, it’s what I need to do. Interestingly enough, it took me several more years after that realization to seriously commit to writing regardless of publication success. That’s where my personal success began to flourish. When I write, I feel successful, and that makes all the difference to me. In fact, I just received yet another rejection letter for a submission I sent in for consideration. But you know what, I'm good with that, because getting that letter is just confirmation that I'm trying.  

Like I said, personal success is the most important type of success to me. I think if you find that, the other types of success will follow, at least in some small part. Of course, there is no guarantee of reaching financial success because you’ve found your true professional calling. There’s a lot of starving artists and actors out there who are totally happy pursuing their dreams. But on the other side, I’m sure there are a few investment bankers swimming in cash that are just a bit unhappy that they sold their souls for monetary gain. As I’ve said before, finding balance in your life makes things worthwhile; knowing your own definition of success, makes it that much easier. Good luck.

Thanks for reading. Questions and Comments are welcome. 

Does Persistence Really Pay Off?

Douglas Clark
-Head writer, The Inspiration Engine

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again.” As the old saying goes, never giving up is a mantra to follow if you want to be successful. But when you think about it, when does trying and being persistent stop being a virtue and start becoming a hindrance? There’s a fine line between the two and it’s not always easy to know which side you are on. Honestly, I don’t know the answer to this question, but I posed it because knowing the answer would help wouldn’t it?  There have been times when I was absolutely sure staying the course and continuing on was the best answer. I persisted and stayed focused, but I continued to fail. What does that mean? Did I not commit enough? Did I not try hard enough? There are other times when I gave up when things seemed hard. I felt devoting so much time and energy to that one thing was a recipe for failure, only to find out later that if I had hung on just a bit longer, things would have worked out. So where do we go with this, it seems as if I quit when I could have succeeded and persisted when I was destined to fail. Doesn’t sound like a plan for success does it?

There are some things that are easy to identify as goals persistence will help you achieve. Going to school, studying, and earning a degree is one example. Even for the learning impaired, persistent, dedicated attention to learning will always help. Keep with it and you’ll have a degree. I knew earning my master’s would be hard, and it took a while, especially writing my thesis, but I kept at it, and finished. Other areas have proven much more difficult to decipher. For me, work and love are great examples of not knowing exactly when and where to persist. I’m sure others feel the same way. Think about it, work and love, they fill up a huge majority of our lives. Working nine to five, being in a significant relationship, those things are major. No one wants to be stuck in a job they hate, or in a relationship with someone they don’t love. And since these things are so dominant in people’s lives, persistence in finding the right fit is crucial.

For work I’ve come up with a simple question you can ask yourself. Ask yourself this: “In five years if I’m in the exact same working environment, would I be happy?” If your answer is continually no, then you must work toward changing it, even if it seems impossible, because a life of stagnation is a slow torturous thing, and you won’t be happy. For love, ask yourself “In five years, if I’m still feeling the exact same way, would I be happy?” If your answer is continually no, then you must work toward improvement. Now it’s not just about happiness; some people seem happy being miserable. What I’m getting at here is acceptance. Can you accept a job and love that is full of misery, apathy, or emptiness?

Seriously, contemplate your current situation and extend it out five, even ten years from now. If you can imagine yourself just as unhappy, just as uninspired, just as sad, just as unfulfilled, then you know what you must do. You must persist in improving your life. It's the only way, even if it seems foolish, or pathetic. Self-improvement is never a waste of time, no matter how improbable the chance of success is. 

Give it a shot!

Thanks for reading. Comments and questions are always welcome. 

21 Days to a Good Habit

There’s an old saying that I’ve heard and read countless times.  It says to form a habit you have to do something for 21 days in a row. Now usually it seems easier to form a bad habit than it does to form a good habit. Ever wonder how you fell into watching TV every night, or eating macaroni and cheese for dinner; because it’s easy. Bad habits are easy to form because they don’t take much effort, usually because they arose out of some need for a short cut. You found that short cut and BANG, it’s a bad habit. Okay, so that 21 days may be an arbitrary number, and it’s fair to say that not all people will need 21 days and some people may need more. But you should get the idea behind the premise. Doing something consistently for a specific period of time will help form patterns in your behavior that eventually becomes second nature.

So, why the hell am I bothering with all this you might ask? Easy. I want to form Good habits. Why does it seem that doing ‘good’ things for ourselves are so much harder? I’d say it’s because anything worth doing takes effort. Personally, I’m trying to add a good habit to my daily routine right now. What I’m trying to do is jog every morning, for just one mile. See, I go to the gym three days a week, but most of the rest of my time is spent not doing much physical activity at all. I’m not lazy, just not very active. And to be honest, I have a few pounds of vanity fat I want to work off. I know it seems ridiculous to try and sculpt my body to look like a Greek god, or fitness model, which is only part of the reason I’m working on this new habit. The main reason is health, both mental and physical. Being active helps the body be more healthy, running helps circulation, breathing capacity, just to name a few things. For the mind, activity helps creativity and imagination. Physical activity makes the mind work better and faster. I’ve noticed that the more active I am, the better and more consistent I am with writing and actually getting words on the page. Now that’s a good motivator, at least for me. You’ve probably heard another old saying, ‘healthy body, healthy mind’. Well I think it’s true. So I’m putting that idea to the test.

Every morning I get up at 6 am, put my jogging clothes on and head out. It usually takes me around 11 minutes to run around that mile track. Yeah, I’m a pretty slow runner. To be fair, it’s really 1.1 miles around several blocks, but that’s not really important. What is important is that for eight days so far I’ve gotten my butt out of bed that early just to do it. Now I know some of you will say ‘I just can’t do it’ and you’re right. You can’t, not with that attitude. You’re certain to fail. You have to change your mind set. Also, it’s easier to think of doing an activity just once. Don’t worry about tomorrow, or the next day, or the next week. Just worry about this one time, today. You can do something once can’t you? Even if you think you can’t, can you at least try? Remember, bad habits are formed because we’re looking for short cuts. Sleeping in or not bothering to try is a short cut. They are also bad habits. So look at trying something new as a one-day-at-a-time endeavor, 21 times in a row.

If you fail, at least you tried. If you didn’t try you’ve already failed. So give success a chance. You never know, 21 days from now, you might just be on your way to a life-long good habit that does a world of good. Go for it!

Thanks for reading. Comments and questions are always welcome. 

Most of us regard good luck as our right, and bad luck as a betrayal of that right.

- William Feather (read about him here)

Disappointment can be a hard thing to deal with, especially if you’ve worked really hard at something.  Putting forth real effort to reach your goal, to drive toward your mission is always a great achievement, but there’s something so deflating when you don’t reach your goal due to no fault of your own.  Sometimes, things or people get in your way and you fail, not because you didn’t try, but because your efforts were thwarted by circumstances, or by other people.  Unfortunately, you may encounter people in your life who actually try to sabotage your endeavors.  Sometimes they do this because they are ignorant of your aims and inadvertently get in the way.  Sometimes, they are deliberately vindictive or jealous, and actively attempt to ruin your work.  Yes, there is that type of ugliness in the world and I’m sure you have experienced it.  I myself have been the target of nefarious individuals at one time or another in my life.  And let me tell you it is not pleasant. 

It would be one thing to fail because you gave up, or because you simply weren’t good enough, but when another individual deliberately stands in your way and tries to make you fail, it’s a despicable thing.  So how do you handle that?  What do you do?  It would be a cope out to say ‘just live with it’ and it would also be dismissive to say ‘just think positively.’  Those cliché type pieces of advice don’t really help at all.  If you really do have someone that is deliberately trying to sabotage your goals, the best thing to do is eliminate them from your life.  Cut them out completely and do not let them back in.  I knew someone that took every opportunity to try and degrade me, insult me, slander my name and deliberately lie about me to try and influence people to dislike me.  I know the quality of my character and anyone worth knowing would take the time to get to know me as a person, not just the lies of a malcontent trying to break someone down instead of building themselves up.  As soon as I cut off all contact with that person and redirected my life on a new course, guess what!  My life became so much more enjoyable, meaningful, and most of all, positive. 

You DO NOT have to allow negative, self-interested and destructive people into your life.  If you have found someone like that has crept in, evict them.  You are the one that has to live your life and the world will make it difficult just by its nature.  Don’t assist the forces of despair and negativity.  Situate yourself so positive, uplifting people can assist you in your goals, and help drive you toward your mission.  That way, when disappointment does strike, it will have much less power than it would otherwise.  Positivity is great, but structuring your life to accentuate the positiveness of the people around you is even better.  Go ahead, set yourself up for success!

Happy Birthday

So it may surprise you to know that today is my birthday.  Yes the conductor of The Inspiration Engine is turning one year older.  I like to think of it as turning one year better.  Now to be honest, I don’t really pay too much attention to birthdays.  It’s not that I don’t care about them; it’s just that to me, a lot of times, it seems repetitive and arbitrary.  However, there is a certain value in reflecting on the past year and seeing if you’ve managed to improve, learn, better yourself, and continue to drive toward the goals of your life mission.  So in that regard, birthdays are a great thing. 

On a personal level I can say that I’m doing pretty well.  Now I’d like to bitch about little things, stuff that irritates me, and stuff that continually hounds me even despite my best efforts to irradiate them from my life.   And trust me, I’ve got some monsters. Well, such is life I suppose.  But I’m not lacking for simple needs and compared to most of the world I’m doing pretty damn well.  I can say there are some things I’ve tried over the last year that have not been very successful, although I’ve had a few successes to counteract the negative.  And I like and need to focus on the positive, as most of you should too.  Some of the most impressive and personally rewarding goals include finishing my thesis and graduating with a master’s degree, taking an acting class (which was hella fun), starting to play the saxophone, continuing to write on my novel, This Blog; actually the list goes on.  To be clear, I’m not bragging.  So why am I telling you this? Because your list should go on and on too.

I look at life like an unfinished book.  Each day adds a page to a certain chapter. And I guess each birthday can mark a new chapter.  Each chapter should be as full of detail and amazing experiences as possible.  Now I know each page can’t be an adventure story, but it would be great if each chapter was.  At the end of my life, I want to look back at my ‘book’ and see that it’s a gigantic story, written not just in one book, but volumes of books.  You can’t get that kind of narrative from sitting on the couch and wishing for ‘what if’ or ‘if only’.  So my birthday comes once a year and I reflect on what I’ve done and what I will be doing, not ‘what if’ I did something, or ‘if only’ I tried. 

So, get out there and start writing your life’s story and make it a long adventure!

Feel free to leave a comment or a question.  I'd love to hear what you're thinking!

Anytime you suffer a setback or disappointment, put your head down and plow ahead

-Les Brown

 

Disappointment is unavoidable

Things don’t always go according to plan.  Sometimes, things go so far off course you wonder how the heck it ever got so bad.  Even with all your planning and preparation, everything is just Fubar. So what do you do with that sort of disappointment?  How do you handle it?  I mean, it’s not like you missed the opening three minutes to a movie, or missed out on the opening pitch of a ball game.  Sure, those things can be a disappointment too, but when the weight of being disappointed gets really heavy, when it turns into a load you feel you are forced to carry, there’s got to be something you can do, right?  If you don’t change your perspective on it, that disappointment can become regret, and regret is a far worse burden to bear. 

At every stage of a person’s life, they must deal with disappointment.  This was very evident to me yesterday thanks to my daughter.  She had plans to play with a friend after school on Thursday; she was excited and looking forward to it all week, then at the last minute, plans changed because of unforeseen circumstances and the play time had to be altered.  She was crestfallen.  For a kid, play time is serious business and when it gets disrupted, watch out!  I was sad for her, but we played ball together and I tried to show her that even though she was disappointed, directing her energy and focus somewhere else was healthy.  For an eight year old, that’s not the easiest thing to do.  But it’s never too early to learn how to cope.  It’s never too early to try new techniques and develop skills to redirect that negative energy of disappointment into something positive.

Directing Your Energy

I’ll admit, I have wasted a lot of time being disappointed and feeling sad for myself.  It’s natural and we all do it.  I think allowing yourself just a little bit of time for feeling sad and downtrodden is alright.  I mean we can’t just ignore all the negative and pretend it doesn’t affect us.  But after a certain point, we have to let go of that sadness and disappointment or it festers.  Allowing one negative thought after another to distract us lays a foundation of negativity that only feeds on you and grows stronger.  If you find yourself mired in negative thoughts, chase each one with a positive one; one you know to be a fact.  Remind yourself of that fact and then let the negativity go.  Carrying that baggage around with you only slows you down and you don’t want that.  All that time and energy you dump into feeling sorry for yourself and feeding that negative energy is time you could be challenging yourself to improve and carry out your mission. 

You don’t have to be successful in quelling your inner demons on the first try.  In fact, it may take you several if not hundreds of tries to defeat those negative thoughts.  Disappointment happens, but it doesn’t have to dominate your mind frame.  Continue to try, and always go back to trying, no matter how many times you fail.  Redirecting your energies into the positive will become a habit.  Once you’re habitually thinking positively, you might find things to be brighter than you once believed. 

Go for it!

check out the details on this pick here.



In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure

- Bill Cosby

A friend of mine asked me once, what I thought of the past and what would I do to change it if I could.  Now I thought about that for a while and had a lot of different exotic and strange ideas.  My natural tendency to lean toward Sci-Fi and fantasy stories led me down a path of great adventure and amazing story telling.  But then I stopped and really thought about what it would mean to change the past, I mean really alter what has happened in my life.  How would I know what would be different if I chose not to go to college, not join the navy, not get married, not get divorced, not have a child. 

The more I thought about it, the more it dawned on me that even though I had regrets and have made some massive mistakes, I couldn’t change a thing.  You see, I have come to understand myself in a way that is much more profound and true as compared to when I was younger.  I’ve been through some really hard times, emotionally.  But I’ve learned from those experiences.  All this contemplation led me to answer my friend thusly:

"All of my regrets, all my failures, all my successes and wins, everything I've every said, felt, every relationship and friendship, my feelings, thoughts, actions, desires and dreams, my experiences and perceptions make my life what it is today. Although at times I might begrudge too harshly the negatives and under-appreciate the positive, All of these things create the essence of who I am. If I tug at the loose strings of the tapestry of my life, it would unravel into the chaotic turmoil of the unknown. Who I am would be lost. In its place would be a void. Trite and fanciful fantasies of altering my life by rearranging my past only stands to cast shadow on my future..." (I felt so strongly about this answer, I put it on my quotes page on fb, in case you find it there.)

My past isn’t perfect and neither will my future, but I’m getting better at being me every day, and in the end, that’s a pretty good thing.  I hope that you can say the same!

Enjoy the silence.

Sometimes it’s okay to have nothing to say.  Sometimes it’s okay to just be quiet, sit back and enjoy the peace and quiet that can come with inactivity.  Relaxing and letting your mind decompress from the day, or week depending on how stressed you are, can be a great thing.  Not every minute of every day of your life has to be chasing your dream, carrying out your mission, or on your feet.  You are allowed to relax every once and a while.  In fact, it should be part of your schedule.  You know that old saying, ‘All work and no play makes jack a dull boy?’  Well, it’s true.  You have to know when to slow down, take a moment and pause.  Reflecting on what you’ve accomplished for the day, the week, or just at the task at hand is a good way to gauge how your success is going, or not going as the case may be. 

Sometimes I have felt myself pushing too hard and not getting a good return on my time investment.  If that ever happens to you, slow down, stop even.  After I finished my master’s thesis, I wanted to just jump right into my next project.  I thought being busy was the best way to maintain my productivity.  But you know what I found out?  My brain was way over taxed and I needed time to decompress.  I realized and had to accept that I needed time to be silence, relax, and find a new perspective.  It took three months before I felt like I could realistically take on a new challenge.  But you know what?  I’m glad I took that time because now I have so much more mental energy to devote to my new endeavors, it feels invigorating!

So, you should take a look at what has worked, what isn’t working, and what might work.  Sleep on it.  It will be there in the morning.  And if you come to your task with a fresh perspective, you might just be more successful at achieving your goal.  And all of it was because you weren’t afraid to take a minute and relax.

If you have questions or comments, please reply.  Thanks for reading.

What is greatness?

Philosophers have been trying to answer that question for ages.  The idea of Greatness occupies the minds of many, controlling their thoughts, actions, and entire lives.  But the question remains: What is Greatness?  Also, how does one obtain it, retain it, recognize it, utilize it, and wield it effectively?  The big problem here is defining Greatness.  Whose definition is correct?  Do we go with the militaristic view and say Greatness is when someone can command others, lead him/herself and others to victory over competing forcers?  Do we go with the economic view and say Greatness is when someone can accumulate the most wealth by manipulating the system to its fullest?  Do we go with the religious view and say Greatness is when someone represents themselves as the best human reflection of their god, or follows the tenants of their religion as devoutly as possible?  The possibilities and avenues we could go down in trying to define Greatness are vast and wide.  So the obvious course of action is to try and understand what Greatness means on a personal level.

Is that easier?  Probably not, but it’s certainly less involved than including all the above examples.  I like to think of Greatness in terms of personal evolution.  To me, I’m in competition with no one but myself.  I believe that I am the single greatest resource I have.  I can provide the psychological foundation, motivational framework, and positive perspective I need to achieve something greater than I did yesterday.  Sounds lofty doesn’t it?  Sure, and I’ve failed at it more times than I’d like to admit.  But as I’ve said many times, it’s the attempt to succeed that is a success.  It may sound cliché, but you only have to get up one more time than you fell down.  So, how does this help define and ultimately achieve personal Greatness? 

Knowing that when it’s all said and done, you are in competition with no one but yourself, all you need to do is improve; One day at a time.  Look at it this way: Take a moment and reflect on your life  up until now.  If that’s too much, take the last year, six months, week, if you will.  Are you doing better, have you accomplished a goal, or even set one?  If the answer is no, than you are not living up to your own potential.  If that’s the case you can never achieve personal greatness.  But why is personal greatness important you might ask?  Why should you even be concerned with the loft pie in the sky idea of greatness?  Because, we’re talking about your life!  You only get one and if you don’t make the most of it, life will pass you by and you’ll have nothing to show for it.  Is that what you want?  I’m sure not. Personal Greatness is the culmination of your mission.  You don’t have to command armies, have a massive vault of gold, recite scripture verbatim, or whatever anyone else’s definition of greatness may be.  What you should strive to do is be better today than you were yesterday and be better tomorrow than you were today.  It’s a worthy endeavor to improve your life, for your own life’s sake.  Greatness is a state of mind you can have where you know your life had and has positive meaning.  It is possible and you can and should do it.  So, be Great!

Feel free to leave a comment or question.  I'd love to hear what you're thinking!  Thanks for reading.

Your future depends on many things, but mostly on you.

-Frank Tyger.

What is self-reliance and why is it important?  There are a lot of things in this world that you may be responsible for: bills, education, work, family members, but most of all, you are responsible for yourself.  Most people would agree with that, but in practice, many disregard their own personal care and supplant it with other chores and duties claiming that to be responsible.  But think about it, you can’t possibly take care of anyone if you can’t take care of yourself.  That is what self-reliance is all about; taking care of yourself.  Now I’m not talking about being selfish and blind to other people.  Learning to handle things on your own, depending on your own abilities, skills, and discipline are vital. 

There’s a powerful lesson in learning how to do things for yourself.  Once you have grasped the concept of self-reliance, you’ll thirst for challenges to overcome and conquer.  But how do you get there? Having self-reliance starts with believing in yourself and your potential.  Now you don’t have to be successful in every endeavor to be self-reliant, you just have to believe you can try.  Be warned though, making the attempt opens up the possibility of failure.  As strange as it may sound, that’s a good thing.  It may sound cliché but most people learn more from failure than they do from success.  I like to say, Success is born from a thousand failures.  Sounds catchy, doesn’t it?  Anyway, it may seem scary to strike out on your own and try something new, but it’s worth it. 

I used to shy away from challenge.  Honestly, I would basically hide in my room avoiding things that would cause conflict or contention.  It was safe, but boring.  It provided no stimulation or growth.  See, it’s easy to recede into the background of your own life.  Nobody is going to force you to do much, except maybe follow the law, but above and beyond that, no.  You have to be the driving force in your life.  And that’s the greatest gift in the world.  Develop your own sense of self-reliance and you can trust yourself to steer your life on toward your goals and mission.  First you have to believe in yourself, once you do, you can rely on yourself as well.  That’s a powerful force in creating a positive personal future.  Give it a try!

The best revenge is massive success.

- Frank Sinatra

To me, it's a waste of time trying to tear down and destroy your opponents or enemies, because that does nothing to build you up. For my effort, I'd rather work on myself and be the best Me I can be. What do you think? Is it better to try and bring someone else down, or build yourself up?

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