Change Is Unavoidable

By Douglas Clark

Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.

Confucius

September! Now is the time when summer begins to wane and give way to the turning leaves of autumn. The warm and glowing sun relinquishes its hold on the day and ebbs toward early evenings and cool breezes. Begrudgingly, children marshal their courage and corral their exuberance and ready themselves for school. We all know it, some dread it. The fall is coming, it’s back to school and we all feel the pangs of change and transition.

How we deal with change can really direct our lives, toward the positive, or the negative. I have been told on many occasions that I can be somewhat negative. I would argue that I’m more of a realist than pessimist. I mean, statistics and averages exist for a reason. I don’t really see how it’s being negative to point out what usually happens in a given situation. Ah but see there’s the rub. Perhaps it’s not just being aware of the norms or averages, but being more aware of the positive ‘what ifs’. Now I know to some that might just be pie in the sky mentality. They might say being overly optimistic is just setting yourself up for failure… but is it?

Think about this: those great men and women of history, the ones that accomplished great things over great odds, do you think they concentrated more on averages, statistics, and probable outcomes? Or did they keep their mind’s eye on the solitary (and improbable) ‘what if’ goal they truly wanted to achieve? I’d say they followed the pie in the sky mentality. Doing the exact same thing everyday only gets you the exact same thing you’ve always gotten. For me, after a while the same old same old becomes like an anchor. It just drags and weighs me down. The thought of change came to me just a few days ago when my daughter went back to school. She started 5^th grade and elementary school is almost over. I know for a child the transition isn’t fully realized yet, but as an adult looking back, I understand it. Seeing that change come for her forced me to examine where I’m going and how I want my life to change. But you see, for the most part, I’m doing the same old same old and as you’d expect, I’m getting the same result. Crazy right?!

Sometimes change is subtle, sometimes it’s blunt and brutal. I’d say for the change we can control, directing it in the manner we chose is imperative. I’m working on becoming a published author, but am I making the changes necessary to achieve that goal? Yes and No. I need to focus more, daydream less, stay motivated, and be more persistent. These are the changes I need and have to make to achieve my goals. So now I just have to do it. What about you? Are you focused enough to know what needs to be done? Or are you languishing in myopic malaise? If you are, make a change! Even a small one might knock the cob webs from your mind and let some sunshine it. But hurry, autumn is upon us, and winter will soon be here. The sun will set ever earlier and you’ll have to do your thinking in the dark.

Thanks for reading.

Questions and comments are welcome.

DouglasHClark.com

Don't Run the Rat Race

Sometimes, I just have no idea where the day will take me. I go to work, do my chores, take care of my responsibilities, and try to make the weekend a fun and enjoyable time, before I have to go back to work and do it all over again. They call it the Rat Race. Have you ever heard of this? It’s pretty much a zero sum game where you don’t really lose, but you don’t really win much either. To me it’s a mediocre way of living. I’ve always been goal oriented. To be fair though, there have been times where my goals sat quietly in the back of my mind, buried under a mountain of crap I called responsibilities and used as an excuse to not go after the things I really wanted. For years, I wouldn’t write a word but still fantasized about being a writer. Man I was in love with the idea of being a writer for so long. That’s the danger of being a dreamer; nothing gets done. That’s why I plan, so I don’t have to worry about where the day takes me; I try and let the day worry where I’ll lead it.

Life doesn’t always work out the way we planned. However obvious that may seem, it still sucks. I wanted to be a published author by the time I was thirty. That didn’t happen, of course I have only my procrastination to blame. It’s not only writing that I procrastinated on. I wanted to be in shape and healthy. Instead, during my early thirties, I got fat, out of shape and depressed. Things really sucked for a while there. You know why, because back then I wasn’t taking charge of my life, I wasn’t working toward my goals. Basically I was drifting on a course not my own, being driven by forces I let take control. It wasn’t until I decided I needed to be in direct control that things got better.

Note I said got better, not great, or awesome, or perfect. For as far as I have come in the last few years, I still have a long way to go. Sometimes, I still struggle with that pesky procrastination. what's worse is I do suffer occasional bouts of self-doubt, a lack of confidence, and diminished self-esteem. Why does this happen? I’m sure it happens to everyone, but sometimes I get so trapped inside my own head, it’s hard to see others' perspectives. See, we talk to ourselves, some call it a conscience, and others call it an inner monologue. Whatever moniker you use, if it’s not directed in a positive way, that little voice can whisper terrible little lies; what’s worse, we can start to believe them. I’ve caught myself, just recently listening to that whisper in my head saying things like ‘you can’t,’ 'you’re not good enough,’ or ‘don’t bother trying.’ 

Don’t believe that negativity. It’s a constant battle to ward off the negative and unproductive dark side, at least for me. I know some people that seem to be positive and cheerful all the time. If I could be I would. Unfortunately I am who I am. As you are who you are. Knowing who you are is one thing; just don’t accept it as an end product. You have your whole life to make improvements. I’ve decided to keep trying, even if it takes the rest of my life to get better. Otherwise I’ll just be a slave to the day. And who wants that?

Thanks for reading. Comments and questions are always welcome.

Enjoy the silence.

Sometimes it’s okay to have nothing to say.  Sometimes it’s okay to just be quiet, sit back and enjoy the peace and quiet that can come with inactivity.  Relaxing and letting your mind decompress from the day, or week depending on how stressed you are, can be a great thing.  Not every minute of every day of your life has to be chasing your dream, carrying out your mission, or on your feet.  You are allowed to relax every once and a while.  In fact, it should be part of your schedule.  You know that old saying, ‘All work and no play makes jack a dull boy?’  Well, it’s true.  You have to know when to slow down, take a moment and pause.  Reflecting on what you’ve accomplished for the day, the week, or just at the task at hand is a good way to gauge how your success is going, or not going as the case may be. 

Sometimes I have felt myself pushing too hard and not getting a good return on my time investment.  If that ever happens to you, slow down, stop even.  After I finished my master’s thesis, I wanted to just jump right into my next project.  I thought being busy was the best way to maintain my productivity.  But you know what I found out?  My brain was way over taxed and I needed time to decompress.  I realized and had to accept that I needed time to be silence, relax, and find a new perspective.  It took three months before I felt like I could realistically take on a new challenge.  But you know what?  I’m glad I took that time because now I have so much more mental energy to devote to my new endeavors, it feels invigorating!

So, you should take a look at what has worked, what isn’t working, and what might work.  Sleep on it.  It will be there in the morning.  And if you come to your task with a fresh perspective, you might just be more successful at achieving your goal.  And all of it was because you weren’t afraid to take a minute and relax.

If you have questions or comments, please reply.  Thanks for reading.

It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.

-Sir Edmund Hillary

Achievement can be considered the pinnacle of effort.  That which you have strived for, worked for, endured much, promised little and sacrificed to accomplish all becomes secondary to the pride and joy that comes with Achievement.  You’ve done it!  All feats, great and small bring with them a sense of satisfaction.  Once you’ve experienced that sense of wonder and awe at your own abilities you will finally understand what it means to be self-reliant, resilient, and persistent.  Picking a goal and powering through what life gives you to accomplish that goal has no substitute. 

Once you have reached that level of accomplishment and know what it takes to get there, you must push yourself even further.  You may have heard the old cliché “don’t rest on your laurels.”  Well basically that means you need to keep challenging yourself.  If you don’t, your achievement will fade.  I believe a fundamental goal in life should be to continually strive and push yourself to achieve ever greater accomplishments.  I can tell you personally, after 4 years, I’ve finally finished my Master’s degree.  I just received my diploma in the mail and it is now hanging on my office wall.  It means a lot to me, because I went through a lot, professionally and personally while trying to achieve that goal of getting my degree.  Now that I’m finished, I’m thinking of what my next challenge should be. 

Sir Edmund Hillary’s quote is quite apt, at least for me, but at the same time, I’m reminded of that little ditty we’d sing when we were kids “…The bear went over the mountain, the bear went over the mountain, the bear went over the mountain… to see what he could see.  He saw another mountain, he saw another mountain, he saw another mountain, so guess what he did.  The bear went over the mountain…”  Life is full of mountains.  Go climb them, and conquer!