Every year I hope it doesn’t come. Every year I hope against hope that
the inevitable will somehow be avoided and peace will reign. I cross my
fingers, watch the New Year’s Eve ball drop and pray that the Resolutionists
won’t come, I pray that this year will be the year we are spared their terrible
onslaught, but they always come. Once that clock strikes midnight, millions of
Americans are infected with the Resolution virus and spawn a mass army of New
Year joy fueled “This year I’m going to…” mania. They amass as a unified force
to invade the common person’s stomping grounds and take over.
You’ll notice
them immediately. Once normal coworkers or friends will be reading some new book, touting some new diet, packing a strange lunch they must concoct in the
break room; they’ll begin telling you all about the virtues and minutia of gym
workouts and how amazing it is getting up an hour early to go for a three mile
run. You may notice a group of them flocked together to go for a mid day lunch
walk while you’re at work. They huddle together while they dominate the
sidewalk but charge ahead like brain starving zombies on a quest to find fresh
meat. The produce section of supermarkets will appear to have been ransacked leaving
nothing but a few bruised gala apples, some smashed grapes and of course the
eggplant (does anyone know how to cook them properly). Oddly enough the broccoli
is usually the first to be devoured, and if you ask me that’s just fine.
Resolutionists deserve that bit of torture ;-)
One place you’ll be able to spot a Resolutionist is at the gym. One of
the most frequent accompanying phrases to the “This year I’m going to…” battle
cry is “go to the gym more often,” much to my chagrin. See I’ve been a devout
weight trainer for years. I do in fact stick with it. So you can imagine my
frustration in January and February (sometimes into March for the truly
fanatical Resolutionist) when the floor of the gym is inundated with newly
christened health nuts bent on questing for a perfect Greek body, but lacking
any common sense or any basic knowledge of body building techniques, or basic
gym etiquette for that matter. I’ve found it humorous and infuriating all at
the same time watching these people struggle at something they’ve ill-prepared
themselves for.
Trust me, at 12:01 am, January 1st, on whatever year
it may be saying “This year I’m going to go to the gym more often,” is nowhere
near enough prep time to truly set yourself up for success. Off handed
motivational decrees usually wind up on the mental rubbish heap specifically
because they were rash, off the cuff quips. Yes they may have meant it when
they said it, but Resolutionists lack proper motivation, resolve, and
persistence. Therein lies their greatest weakness; like the may fly, the
Resolutionist has a very short shelf life. By late winter, early spring their
mass army has been decimated by pizza, tacos, TV, the couch, and lethargy.
Temptation is their mortal enemy, and it destroys every Resolutionist
army every year without fail. For the Resolutionist, as initially motivated as
they are, simply cannot win. They are destined to lose because in their minds
the first failure is their ultimate defeat. They fail, pack it in, and call it a
year.
In response to this horrible onslaught we suffer every year, I call on
you to rise up, not as a Resolutionist, but as a Healthinista! Devote yourself
to overall health, mind, body, soul, perspective. Base your actions on overall
life goals, mapped out for the improvement of all aspects of your life, not
just some whimsical “This year I’m going to…”decree. Start slow, start right,
get informed, and keep at it even if you fail. In fact if you fall off the wagon
get right back up. Revel in your own persistence to keep trying even though the
first or even tenth time you’re still trying to get it right. Motivate yourself
through your failures to try again, Each time. Rise up, take charge of your
life and help defeat the mediocre armies of the Resolutionists!
Thanks for reading. Questions and comments are always welcome.
